My Pre-Psychotic Mind

ON SATURDAY 11th, December 2004. My friend and I went to PWTC to visit the PIKOM PC Fair there. That place is so crowded I hope I never go there at the first place. I was so irritated and if it is not because my good friend wanted to buy a PC, I will stay at home and enjoying my resting weekend resting and resting and resting again.

But it was kind of silly telling a story about where you went a couple of days ago or last week or last night I went to where, with whom and whatsoever. My mission to do this journal apart of to complete the weekly task is to share my life with all of those who accidentally visits my blogger. So there is never a certain topic, I’ll write about anything in sake of trying to be less schematical. I’m so tired reading others blogger devoted to certain subject. It’s kind of irritating and discourages you to scroll even further. Some of them are a paste from article either in magazine or internet. They are being sincere to neither themselves nor lecturer. It’s a fake not a fact!

There is nothing much to tell about my miserable life (or maybe I am the one who felt that way). You know, people will always see me happy, fooling around, making a joke, but to my own keeps I am suffering the emotional pain that no one knows (except if they read this journal already, of course they’ll know). It’s a kind of emptiness and losing direction. I wake up every morning attending the class for the sake of study and putting an input to my not so functioning brain. It keeps repeating day by day. When the time is come, I’ll study even harder to score in an exam either mid semester or final exam. Sometimes, I am pushing to hard not to sleep (not even an intention to do so). I indulge myself with cups of thick coffee that later making me repetitiously voiding. Sometimes I feel like it the must have thing every time I study. It gives me extra alert and concentration and even extra understanding and capacity to remember.

You know what is wrong with the method of learning today; it is exam-based and memory-related kind of study. You cannot runaway from the fact that abusing every student. Even though you trying to put some mechanism in your head but you cannot runaway from remembering certain term and name of process. To no point, it does prove no avail.

So busy nowadays doing much of much assignment, lab report and MLTA (Medical Laboratory Technologist Association) meeting. It’s the best that I can do for the organization now since it’s the biggest community in Diploma Studies; it’s hard to make one decision with just a committee verdict. To make a big meeting between all the members of this association seems impossible. So let just see where the situation will lead me.

I was so suppressed by my mixed feeling. Sometimes I feel like quitting and sometimes I feel like going on and struggle hard for it. I was strengthened by my father’s encouragement to be co-curricular active for a better future when finding a job. I am doubt with my capability to lead with my assistant whom I owe much.

In my home (here at Shah Alam), the situation is not as good and cheerful as former times. The residents are divided into 3. Those who are taking Bachelor of Biomedicine are so boasting and irritating, those who taking DMLT are suffering and the one that impartial that can goes along well with both parties.

I miss being myself when I was such an innocent child. Live life happy and never to perceive any future. Feels like never want to grow. Fells like enjoying every colorful moment. Moving from one place to another. Changing the life culture mixing around with those who are so far away from modernism. Who are walking barefoot. Smile with a decaying teeth shows. It is more sincere than those with sly mind in the city. Those who live in a hut never thinks complicated, just as simple as eating, hunting, sleeping and playing.

See… I can go far with this… I can write about anything I like without deciding particular theme to write. Anything is possible here in my writing. So no heartfelt to those who read this journal. Sometimes sharing with the world wide is better than sharing with a friend. The object is there in the net either you wanted to know it or not. Apart from sharing with your friend, they are there but they will never always be there for you. I’ve learned some positive saying today:

“You have a power to change everything at any moment simply by just think about it (changing)”