Hoarder

My head is sanctuary for clutter mess. It was well reflected by my surrounding. It doesn't have to go far-reaching out to nautical border, it's on my table and the neighboring. Believe it or not, I actually conquering 3 tables. One of them is a banquet table and another is of compacted-composite medium left by previous housemate. The main operating table from where this entry was written is where my laptop is situated. Such kind of central control unit, an irony or darkest dream of this out-of-control life.

I have papers, lots of papers everywhere. I am an excellent hoarder, my presumption that maybe this world someday will be out of reading material, overrides my sanity and logic. I read everything, my hunger for any kind of trivial knowledge is overwhelming. I hoards everything, from catalogs of things I will not buy, flyers to loan-shark business cards. It is there, somewhere in a clutters. It is there, you name it. I think I still have receipts from last year purchase.

I am afraid of letting go. Always with some kind of notion 'What if I might need em' someday?'. The useless pieces of trashes are usually the last to be thrown out. Same goes to memories, the painful kind is the one that retained longer. Like placenta percreta, you need hysterectomy to get it gone and be done with. If only I can opt to selective lobotomy. Simply select which groups of neurons that hold painful past and get rid of 'em once and for all. So I will no longer linger on them anymore, the need I constantly need to battle with and repress in order to actually move forward. I can't help it, I am Cancerian, half of my future was bound to hands that extending from the past, half of it actually living the present.

When I go through papers and books that I no longer need of once important, it somehow plays an old vinyl record on a gramophone, and there I was, reminiscing and reliving a moment of that particular paper actually matter. That scribbles is irreplaceable. If I lost it, I might feel sorry that it will forever vanished.

I made a tremendous improvement today. I got rid tonnes of papers. I feel lighter. My head one wire less entangled.

But I am once a hoarder. A clutter.

I was a hoarder

...of papers, clutters

...sorry and memories.