Big Slapping Hand Called 'Reality'

One of my old friend asked me a question over a phone. I know this is regarding her recent breakup and emotional turmoil and turbulence. She is at a stage of 'I-Hate-Him-But-I-Missed-Him' and abusing her lacrimal glands to utmost limit. Well, these recent months were heartbreak season. I am not sure if it is due to monsoon change, weakened gravity, deterred chemistry, hormonal, or global warming; but there are too many break-ups, divorces, broken engagements, canceled weddings happening all around me. I am freaking worried. We are counter-productive here, human!

Well she asked me this question

"If he apologize like mad, he justified his reason and it seemed solid to me; he tried hard to win me back and I can't help but be moved by it; he seemed sincerely sorry and promised me never to do it again; should I let him back in my life?"

I found myself stunned and gobsmacked. It merely YES NO question. I know the answer is big 'NO'. After all the time it took me to fix her up and countless throat-drying consoling, and outpouring sessions. It just feel right for me to vetoed NO.

But there is an internal conscience voice insisting on a 'Second Chance' concept and it was too loud that single syllable 'NO' turned into stuttered of fragmented letter (just like the time you were asked to spell 'tyrannosaurus' in single breath). Somehow that question intrudes me emotionally. I was placed in a situation of 'damn-if-you-did-damn-if-you-don't'. I am vacillating on options 'should I or shouldn't I answer her'. Why am I suddenly under fire?

"Should I?" she repeat

Why am I making decision for her that sooner or later dominoed back to me should it failed her one way or another? I will be the clogged sinkhole no matter what my answer will be.

...or was it reality slapping me hard?

"Yes you should forgive him. If you love him that much. Everybody deserves a second chance."

She sounded happy. I know that she was leaning to that answer at a first place. She just need some gentle nudge to make her jump and risk it all again. Some kind of fulcrum to okeyed it all. To bargain her scarred heart for temporary surge of endorphine. Or maybe she needed someone to be blamed later in a crescendo of soul-snapping mortifying voice screaming "You!!! You told me so!!! It's your fault!!!" She can point her finger to my face and her hands are clean.

What disturbed me the most was when I look at my reflection on a mirror, I see a big word 'HYPOCRITE' written on my forehead.

...and that was when a big giant fist call REALITY punched me hard on my face. I was so ashamed I couldn't cry "Ouch!"