Obgyn vs. Ortho

If you hit me with bone, and I hit you back with baby, would you hit me back if I shield myself with them?

We were divided into two teams. One took Ortho and the other in Obgyn. I was in the latter. Sometimes I wonder if this is the right specialty for me. Dealing with preggies, babies and preemies or better off sweating myself with bones, manipulating, maneuvering, tracting, nailing, backslabbing etc.

I don’t think that I am satisfied with Leopold’s, Pawlick's, VEs, EDD-ing, Apgar’s, Bishop’s, and tonnes of eponymous calculations. But hey, no complain here. I think I still can manage to go with the flow. I just find it difficult to connect with patient. Whenever I sat next to them and taking history followed by physical examination, chaperoned by trainee nurses, I just can’t connect. Human is not my thing. But I’m good at listening and faking concern face. I’m good. The truth is I don’t bother. Don’t bother if those preggies having Braxton Hicks or active contraction 5 in 10 for 45 seconds. If their cervix was dilated 10 cm or they are shivering in pain. Disconnected and numbed. Pain, near death and death itself, I saw it all. If only there’s one thing to described the purpose of Clinical Training is to make you less humane.

I’ve developed cold cold heart. The irreversible kind. Human is not my thing. The living one. At least the dead don’t talk back, don’t complain and less complicated. Maybe I should reconsider my path.

I should be an assassin. Blood gory blood.