The Fatality of Joy

It doesn't hurt to be careful

PROLOGUE: That day when the tragedy happened, we just got back from Genting, a trip that supposed to be enjoyed ended up in tragedy. There can be complication – there can be death involved, the casualty could be me. Maybe this could be a wake up call.

I woke up early prior to the trip with an upset stomach, my heart cadence in an abnormal rhythm, not because of the orthostatic hypertension as I thought it’ll be, it was something else. I have a bad feeling about the trip but thriumphantly I shook it off diagnosing it as colic or some windy gut. I will never let any nonsense to ruin our thoroughly planned annual reunion, not when three of my friends applied three days off their job to make this happen. So I got myself prepared and wait for them to come pick me up.

Genting Highland was some place seems appropriate for us to have fun (lured by the slogan “Fun at the peak”), and we could benefit the journey to catch up on each others. It was my third, so I am not as enthused as the rest of them but I may as well go through the plan. After all I am not the one who’s going to pay for most of the cost. It was more significant to learn that one of us is engaged to be married so maybe this will be her Bachelorette Party of some kind. We took cable car, assuming the height will kick the adrenalin off and I could use some to purge out the depression out of me. But I learned through pictures we took, that I could never completely banish the littlest trace of it from my expression, it was blank, empty and emotionless. I wish I could somehow entertain them with my charade excitement but it just don’t expose as so on picture. So we played most of the dangerous outdoor park game. Ventured on Flying Coaster firstly, though the screaming sound repelling to others, I am enticed to get some kick off, pay an extra RM10 (so we bought all park ticket for nothing, we still have to pay for this). I am waiting to shout or scream at the top of my lung or beg the coaster to stop or something, but to my disappointment, it was nothing more than what 20 seconds of boring ride. The others were suspicious of me, how can I remained as calm as nothing mind-blowing just happened, one of them were actually cried silly. Believe me, I wasn’t try to suppressed it or something, it cost me no effort and I will pay for something to actually made me scream. So I was in the very front row in Sungai Rajang Flume Ride, Rolling Thunder Mine Train, Pirate Ship, Euro Express anticipating the adrenalin will pump in sooner but again, hopeless. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something is wrong with me, I myself began to suspect something is erroneous (though subconsciously).

Maybe the extreme cold will somehow triggers the self preservation mechanism I hypothesized. So we get to Snow World and I took multiple trips sliding off the Snow X-treme slide but again I was nonchalant. There's no rhyme or reasons to it. The other starts to sound worried and somehow felt weird of me. “Didn’t I felt any thrilled at all?”, “Did the depression numbed me deep to the bone?”, “Am I turning suicidal now?” the question resonating repetitiously like an old record in my head. So we went downhill at 8.30 p.m. safely. But my friend took the wrong road back to Shah Alam when we actually ended up at Batu Caves and somewhere else. It was 10.00 p.m. that we finally entered KL and having our dinner (or supper) at Kampung Baru. My gut haven’t had it rest yet, still troubled me. I thought I already relived myself back then. This is more than windy gut I thought, the food satisfied me enough but my gut upsets in a weird way. “Something bad about to happen!” the first thing that crossed my mind in responds but I silenced it down refusing to believe in what people talk about ‘gut feeling’.

So we journeyed back home, the two girls dozing off at the back, tired and bloated I presumed. I tried to stay awake for the sake of my male friend who drives the car, after all he compliant about not having a topmost visual acuity at night. I might be as well keep him awake and be the extra pair of eyes and unofficial road guide (though I am as lousy and lost), so I can contribute something for the trip at least to ensure ourselves returned home safe and sound. Tried to fight the drowsy but I dozed off every 30 seconds. This is where the signs kept reveal itself to me. The sign foreshadowing the upcoming tragedy. As I snooze every 30 seconds, the thrill of the game back to the Genting Highland Park finally seeps in to me. I finally felt the adrenalin kicked in way too late and every time it became unbearable and terrifying it awakes me terrified. I straightened up and I tried to examine the road and my friend who drove beside me in pretense that I keep myself awake the whole time. I learned that he lost again. So I talk to him just to tell him I’m awake, only to cheat my way later. Again I dozed off, another thrilling flashbacks came to me terrifying enough to awakes me once again. This REM cycle repeated about 5 times before the actual tragedy finally happened. I was half awake to watch the collision in front of my eyes but as helpless as I am asleep, we crashed into another car. My friend tried his best to avoid or minimized the collision and turn the wheel to the left. Fortunate as I am, the car in the left side is slowing down abruptly and almost crashed into ours. I could be the victim of side collision. I could be dead.

Damages is done, we crashed the right side mirror, headlight and other part I can precisely identified in words. We lodge Police Report in Seksyen 12 (or was it 10?) I’m not sure myself and everything settled in about 2 hours. My friend who drove the car is traumatized, he could not think straight so I have to take charge of everything, from filling in the report form to creating a story and ensure it is consistent and believable. On the way back home I finally realized, how stupid I am. I was forewarned, the signs is everywhere, it came in a form of upset gut, heart palpitation, lack of excitement back then at Genting and short repetitious nightmare but I never took it seriously. I wish I could tell my friend about this for only to be blamed later, we could have been extra careful. Then again I realized, that accident is actually the thrill I was hoping for. I finally have the rush I longed for. If only it will not cost us as much as this meaningful journey.

We took a day break. We actually planned to drive up again to Bukit Tinggi the very next day. Since the car is confiscated we lost our sole transport, so we have to cross that from our list. Furthermore, my friend is traumatized he needs a day to rest his mind. The next day we went to Aquaria. Again, what thrill can I expect from it? Unless I have a chance to swim alongside the shark it was pretty plain for leisure. But what to complain when I’m not the one who pay? If I can’t benefit much from a complimentary trip, why don’t I just go with it? Let just get this over with and be done with it.