(Pain is) Back in Black to Back

I know that I am at my pinnacle of stress threshold if my backache re-appearing. The last time I had such severe chronic back pain was during my O&G posting that I resorted to using red chili analgesic (which is a misnomer) plaster due to no access to Ketotop or Fentanyl patch. I am so depended on them that my skin burnt at sites where those patches attached, my lower back.

The principle of red chili plaster was not to reduce pain but to create greater pain transcutaneously in hope to overrides the deep nature of neuralgic and muscle pain. This is achieved by capsicum component of chilli. Should call it pseudo-analgesic instead.

The thing was, that superlative strong nature of red chili analgesic patch fails to dethroned my back pain. Regular peasant-like menthol patches never one bit even nicked micro part of that pain. As you were all well-informed that I am not keen on chronically consuming painkiller, I resorted on sadistic way of dealing with pain by creating greater pain. Sort of ‘hitting your toes with hammer, to triumph over toothache,’

Painkiller never worked on psychosomatic and somatization kind of pain. An overblown mental and psychological stress that you unable to sort mentally so your body has to resort onto making it manifest in a form of physical pain.

In my case, I think I can manage those stress diligently but still my body decided to halved it so my back can experience it too, kind of like 3D-ing your stress; ‘perceivable in reality why don’t make it into uneasy sensation to your body too’. Sometimes when you try to undervalue the stress by utilizing as much coping mechanism you can muster, so it will rendered virtually insignificant; your body is smart enough to make it real, like when your stress nigga said “Bitch, you ain’t gonna ignorin’ me shit. Slowtalkin’ you brain like that. I am here you mutha freakin’ nigga. You may lie to your brain, see me messin’ with your back, mmm hmm”

I use two patch on my lower back twice a day (2/2 BD). O&G posting was so severely demanding and exhausting with unreasonable expectation and streams of de-motivating word such as “The previous group was better than this group,” when we obviously stretching ourselves thin out in our limbs trying to look good in them specialists eyes. It was in fasting month of course. So you can imagine how purgatory that was, not that I am saying that Ramadhan is adding insult to injury, but it did tripled if not quadrupled the hardship and challenge.

As soon as we ended our O&G posting and entering psychiatry, my pain gone in its entirety, spontaneously. It was like it never ever happened. Like God was messing with your head and finally decided to stop because it ain’t funny no more. I stop my patch immediately, not even tapering down my salicylate high. That pain gone insignificant like yesterday’s news. Only that thickened burnt skin left as evidence of my past tense pain.

My point is, it is back, black, thick and bolder. My back pain is back. My body perceived an upcoming purgatory before I can even wrap my head around it.

Put on your seatbelt, it goin’ to be a bumpy ride ya’ll.

HERE'S AMY TO CELEBRATE THE PAIN BACK