Fallen

"We all begin with good intent

Love was raw and young

We believed that we could change ourselves

The past could be undone

But we carry on our backs the burden

Time always reveals

The lonely light of morning

The wound that would not heal

It's the bitter taste of losing everything

That I have held so dear."

I've told you in my previous entry that Sarah McLachlan's 'Afterglow' is the first record I bought from my first salary as an underpaid part time sales assistant. I was mesmerized by her song Fallen, and upon buying it, I fell in love with the whole record. I was in my worst psychological challenge at that time, dealing with failures and tonnes of broken expectations. It got me through it all with scratches and bruises, but I survive.

I decided to leave my hometown and travel to the Peninsular land, back in 2004. Yes, I've been around here 7 years. I first registered to KUTPM in 30th April 2004, I was 19. The only music I had with me is Afterglow. The only album that got me through late night studying throughout my diploma years.

You see music to me is not merely an entertainment. Being self-proclaimed tone deaf, I was blessed with sense of receptor to good music and how I use it to deal with my daily challenges. My coping mechanism, my channel of expression, my outlet of anger, pain and rage and all the euphoric moments of life.

My daily life was documented through music. I have music for every important moment of my life. I have the worst memory but through music I can recalled and re-experiencing all those moment related to particular music down to the exact feeling, smell, surrounding, people all as encoded into each music I owned in my archives.

I have:

• Susanna and The Magical Orchestra for our brief HKL attachment.
• Lissie 'Everywhere I Go' for our BMS practical in Kelantan.
• Angus & Julia Stone 'Down The Way', Patty Griffin and John Mayer 'Battle Studies' for our brief stint in HRPZII for MBBS in Kelantan.
• Sia 'We Were Born' playlist for our first months in HTAR.
• Paramore 'Brand New Eyes' to deal with all those suppressed feeling of hatred post-Kelantan.
• Vampire Weekend 'Contra' for Ophthal & ENT posting.
• Janelle Monae 'Cold War' for our posting in KK Sg Buloh.
• List goes on

Basically, I have playlist for every phase of my life. Everytime I replay all those song, all those memory re-runs fresh with emotions attached to it.

I found and downloaded good music everyday. I need one good music to denote my each and every day. I have no sincerest friend to share my innermost feeling, but I trust music to make me feel better.

Now let's get back to Fallen

Heaven bent to take my hand

And lead me through the fire

Be the long awaited answer

To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best

But somewhere along the way

I got caught up in all there was to offer

And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...

I have sunk so low

I have messed up

Better I should know

So don't come round here

And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent

Love was raw and young

We believed that we could change ourselves

The past could be undone

But we carry on our backs the burden

Time always reveals

The lonely light of morning

The wound that would not heal

It's the bitter taste of losing everything

That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...

I have sunk so low

I have messed up

Better I should know

So don't come round here

And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand

Nowhere left to turn

I'm lost to those I thought were friends

To everyone I know

Oh they turned their heads embarassed

Pretend that they don't see

But it's one missed step

You'll slip before you know it

And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...

I have sunk so low

I have messed up

Better I should know

So don't come round here

And tell me I told you so...