Pejorative Labour? WTF

WARNING: This entry may induced CRAP-ITATION

Suspension of Solution

SOLUTION can be defined as solute dissolve in a solvent, but it also means...ANSWER

SUSPENSION can be defined as postponement, but it also means...SOLUTION containing SEDIMENTATION.

Hari ini saya dapat solution kepada masalah melanda rumah saya sebaik saja terbangun dari tidur. That answer has been long suspended. First thing that crosses my mind before anything else.

Petroleum Jelly

sila abaikan adik berdik Hilton itu...boom badoom boom

Mari kita mengimbau secara retrospective. (effect Inception di situ)

Rumah saya ada sliding grill. Supposedly for purpose of extra peace of mind knowing that you are safe in your home. Tapi this source of peace of mind boleh menjadi sumber annoyance kepada jiran tetangga yang ramai, knowing you live in a pangsapuri with a hollow hallway yang boleh conduct bunyi se-efficient talking in a long tunnel. Bila grill anda berbunyi super-freaking-squeaky tahap merentap tympanic membrane anda dan jiran-jiran setiap kali anda membuka grill, this source of our mind peace telah menyebabkan jiran kita rasa macam nak bagi 'a piece of their mind'. You can actually hear that sound from far down the hallway. Bunyi ini adalah common sound bila tinggal kat pangsapuri rarely-maintained sebegini.

Petang tadi saya tertidur selepas balik dari hospital, please noted prefix 'ter-' itu adalah satu kejadian tidak sengaja yang sangat kerap given I am a nocturnal. Tema mimpi petang tadi adalah 'rush in a labour room'. Dalam mimpi saya, saya membantu kat Unit Pejorative Labor, seriously I tell you.

As eerie as it sounds, unit ini meng-handle labor secara brutal at which 99% delivered baby are ended up dead. It is likely to equate it with butcher house. Liquor are pooling on the floor mixed with detached baby leg, placenta, tissue and blood. Died baby are autopsied in front of their shakingly-wretched parent to know that their baby was dead and forced-having to witness horrendous autopsy in front of them, for legal purpose. Autopsy di buat di sinki basuh tangan just like macam kita melapah ayam dan basuh kat sinki.

Baby that born not breathing will be smacked onto wall to stimulate them. But often baby died anyway because of head trauma due to efficient smacking. That is why you can see generous patches of blood on the wall with some amount of brain matter. Dead babies are on the floor, try sing it with Jennifer Lopez song 'On The Floor'.

Instead of:

'Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor'

Change it to:

'Dead babies were piling up on the floor'

This sounds like impossible and wicked. What is the point of my entry? What it has to do with squeaky grill? So here's how my brain actually trying to tell me a solution in a cryptic way.

See, I told you in this story, placentas were scattered everywhere on the floor. Placenta attached to umbilical cord (or vice versa). Umbilical cord contains Wharton's jelly. Wharton's jelly remind me of petroleum jelly. Hold that thought.

As I was dreaming, the soundtrack of my dream (or afternoon-mare if not nightmare) is that squeaky sound of grill as I heard my housemate went in and out of the house damn frequently. I am annoyed by it and subconsciously desperate to find the solution...while I am sleeping.

Therefore, the first thing that crosses my mind upon waking up is...Petroleum Jelly.

I have a container of petroleum jelly from 3 years ago, fortified with Olive Oil that I used to use for shaving to minimized abrasions and cuts. So I wake up, put on a decent shirt and go outside. Applying petroleum jelly along the rail of a grill overhead as my neighbor looked at me like total freak (which is a compliment). She might be thinking "What on earth is this smoking hot twenty-something freak doing applying jelly onto rail."

And believe it or not, it worked. My bothersome grill has finally silenced. And we live happily ever after.

THE END

Moral of the story:

1. Your brain has a funny way to tell you a solution to your problem.
2. Tidur selepas Asar akan menyebabkan anda mempunyai mimpi mengandungi 'extreme content' tapi still medical related. Nasal flare.
3. I could briefly tell you about how I figured out the tips, but I told you in descriptive derogatory way instead.
4. Petroleum jelly juga boleh digunakan untuk menghalang semut masuk ke dalam bekas makanan dan air dengan meng-apply-kannya to the bottom of your water bottle and food container. Ants will sure trapped on it.
5. You can learn new vocab from your dream. Like 'pejorative'.
6. This entry is long and painful.