Bulimic

“Like everything else…this too will end”

I have a confession. I’m a secretive bulimic. Of course the ‘B’ word will ring everyone’s alarm that I am a psychopath in a brink of suicidal act. Which I am not.

Common misconception will define bulimic as somebody who has a psychological compulsion to put a finger into their throat triggering gag reflex and upchucking over a toilet bowl. These images amalgamated quite very common in these modern world that idolized size zero. But there are some other kind of bulimic act, the one that does not involve filthy vomit, eroded teeth from acidic flow of gut content, and classic frail looks. The healthy bulimic.

My own definition of bulimia is…feeling guilty of eating too much that leads to inappropriate overcompensation mechanism. I’m not cachexic, at least not according to my mirrors [sigh!]. But I admit the remorse of overeating should be something psychogenic. Yeah bulimia got its binge-purge episode (bulimia nervosa) as well in anorexia nervosa, but technically I skip that one. I don’t avoid food, I enjoy them as much as everyone else. I’m eating quarter part of chocolate fudge cake as I’m writing this. They’re a good, though not as good as cheesecake. But the thing is, I just feel guilty of eating too much of them. I have a great appetite for food, I cook em’, I enjoy preparing em’, I’m bingeing on them then along came the guilt. Then it happens. Beacolux, Senokot, and colon motility stimulant, a long gone history.

Now I don’t use it all, I figure out that a liter of three-bags-overnight-steeped green tea will do the job just as good, in a healthy way. You got it’s antioxidant benefit plus you can block those excess carbs and fat from being absorbed and stored. Guilty with perks, who didn’t want that? I am going OD on this stuff. Being addicted to it since the last 5 years. A sickness you refuse to be cured. I tried jogging to increase energy expenditure, but it was downright purgatorial. Who else felt guilty of eating food? Let’s get bingeing and OD on cathechins.