Perempuan-Perempuan Peramah

Baru-baru ni my old DMLT cum BBM friend asked me "Kenapa ko ada 70++ friends je kat FB ko,"

Well, what do you think honey? This is the third time kot aku tulis entry pasal hal ni. Well, I have trust issue, I don't trust people easily and certainly I don't make friends easily. That is me, being in Facebook doesn't change that much of my real social attitude. Yup korang ada ratusan dan ribuan friend sampai kena buat second account sebab the first one overcapacity dah. Wow, *clapping* you are that damn popular, I should immortalize you in statue.

Tapi seriously, among that millions of friend of you, berapa banyak je yang ko kenal? Berapa banyak je yang korang betul-betul care? Korang confident ke all your embarassing and funny looking picture in FB tu tidak dipergunakan against you esok lusa? Just because korang ada ribu jutaan friends tak bermakna dorang kisah dekat korang pun, entah-entah niat dia add korang pun sebab nak tambahkan bilangan 'unknown friend' dalam FB dan ko pun kerana merasa ada ramai 'friend' *friend lah sangat* itu sangat kewl and ko akan rasa sangat virtually superb, pun approve dia, sudahnya dua-dua pun mempergunakan masing-masing untuk nampak sangat popular. Wow, you people have to lots of growing up to do.

I rejected atau pendingkan puluhan friend request sebulan sebab

1. Aku tak kenal walaupun ada mutual friends yang sangat ramai dan sangat similar yang at one stage kalau dia bukan sedara kau sendiri, pastinya kau yang add diri ko sendiri, because the resemblance is un-freaking-canny.
2. Aku kenal tapi don't bother to connect sebab isu-isu lama (read: bad memories).
3. Aku kenal tapi aku just don't care to add.
4. People who add you for suspicious reason.
5. People yang add kau for sexual reason dengan intro message yang disturbing.
6. Kinda person you prefer to know in real life rather than them reading about you through silly statuses in FB. Thus your request is pending up til' now. Get to know me first in real life baru I approve you...
7. Orang-orang yang aku pending-kan sebab I have fun rejected them in bunch, suke sangat tekan button NOT NOW dengan banyak kali. Hahahaha...lepas tu click 'DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON'

I deleted my friends dari list sebab...

1. Aku tertekan CONFIRM secara tak sengaja. Thus aku kenalah delete balik.
2. Interpersonal conflict
3. Aku sangat nervous bila my friends list melebihi 80 orang, so aku kena delete orang lain yang mengamalkan konsep cengkerik kat FB. Add kau lepas tu sunyi, last-last dapat tahu dah kawin atau mati.
4. Saya melakukan pen-delete-an secara ritual bulanan. Setiap bulan kena je delete, kalau tak rasa tak sedap badan.
5. Kau post status jiwang tahap Ipecac syrup, kalau aku hide-kan pun status kau aku still rasa nervous.
6. Etc. *malas nak pikir*

Ape pulak citer orang yang ko delete berkali-kali lepas tu request lagi. Delete lagi. Request lagi. Ko suke kan buat keje sia-sia macam tu? Suke tul menghiburkan jari aku yang suke delete orang nih. Ko ingat buat macam tu last-last aku sayang kau hence keep you permanent. Ade plak yang bila dah tak di-approve siap hantar message kat inbox tanye kenapa tak approve. Well ini jawapannya, 'aku tak approve sebab aku dah reject, sila hantar permohonan baru untuk di-reject lagi'.

That' is why my friends list tak pernah expand, sebab once I approved someone, I either delete them back or delete someone else that alrady in the list. I like to trim my perennial. I am unique and exclusive this way. It's up to you actually samada nak jadi cheap where thousands of people can access easily into your FB account, info, pictures and statuses or you can chose being exclusive with strict privacy setting where only selected and trusted few je yang boleh get to know you better, since you knew them in real life. Even for me, orang yang aku kenal in real life not necessarily aku akan approved in FB, even my relatives and close friends pun aku tak approve in FB. Whadayatink?

Ape pulak citernya kalau jenis manusia yang add kau semata-mata nak ambik tahu pasal hidup kau untuk jadi bahan menjaja cerita kat semua orang. Seriously, bila I approved someone to be in my pathetic friends list I expected them to actually be trustworthy. Saya manusia yang gila, dan at times no inhibition. I posted crazy status and I am Board Certified Factory Default Brain Malfunctioned. I do that bila I am around the people I know and trust and comfortable with.

Tapi bila ada jenis manusia seperti dua orang perempuan peramah ni, these is where approving them is such a worst mistake ever. Apalah yang aku boleh expect bila approved dua orang yang ada history menghidap 'penyakit' bawaan mulut ni? Dua-dua ada history HFMD with greatear emphasized on Mouth symptoms. Ladies, if you read this, and you think you are the one yang kene delete secara terhormat, sorry but no sorry for you, you just have to jumpa pakar kesihatan oral sebab korang menggunakan mulut secara tidak sihat. Atau maybe pakar psychology because I think you are, you haven't get enough through oral stage of your Freud's Psychosocial Development, you have Oral Fixation atau Oral Fijacion *bak kata Shakira* at its worse. Sayang muda-muda dah ada mulut makcik-makcik kampung yang hobinya mengumpul dosa sebab nak tempah tiket one way to neraka.

Seriously, though I am not that friendly and kinda look like boleh diperkotak katikkan, clearly you haven't seen my history yet. But nevermind, I'll show you how I handle people like you two. Yang perempuan sorang ni memang terkenal dengan sifat peramah tahap penyambut tetamu hotel murah, tapi disebalik sifat ramah tamah tu, rupanya dia *drumroll* bermulut lahar. Iya saya ulangi dengan bolded capital letter dan tanda seru yang banyak...

BERMULUT LAHAR!!!!!!!!!

Sebab mulut lahar dia ni, banyak dah orang tak bersalah teraniaya. Sayang, kau dahlah cantik dalam skala darjah celcius 'suam-suam kuku kuda', mulut kau sangat power dengan lahar dan magma.

Aku tahu sape yang baca entry mesti dah dapat teka siapa orang-orang yang aku maksudkan terutamanya si...

MULUT LAHAR!!!!!!! (perluke aku buat camni selalu?)

...sebab dia punya reputasi exceeds her. Dan ada pulak nanti ahli fan club mulut lahar gi citer dengan mulut lahar tu pasal entry ni. Seriously, as grammatical error it sounds, I DON'T CARESSSS!!! Silalah print dan binding entry ini dan bagi kat dia. Aku dah siap autograph lagi kat bawah tu.

Sebab perempuan-perempuan peramah seperti ini harus di ajar cara-cara menjaga 'oral hygiene' dengan betul. Meh sini aku clorox-kan.