[grav.i.ty]: We Were Born Parasite

Cute parasite can be deceiving

Once the paternal sperm cell deposited and fused with our host’s egg cell, that was when our parasitic life cycle begins. When we got implanted into the uterine endometrial wall, we produced a feeding device called placenta, through which we stole our host nutrients. And her painful torture fiest just getting started.

First we produced HCG hormone to signals her body to maintain production of estrogen and progesterone. Did we care what will it did to her? No we didn’t. We caused her headache, nausea and vomiting for that. But for all we care, we are the parasite. We robbed our host off her nutrient source to satisfy our developmental needs. Later we caused her frequent urination, indigestion, heartburn, constipation, hemorrhoids and shortness of breath. Is it all? No we never stop there. We caused her abdomen to protrude and she lost her beauty curve, tenderness of her breast, her heart, kidneys and lungs workload increase. But for all the painful circumstances we put her through, she sang while rubbing her growing belly try to communicate with us. We caused her misery, she gaves us love. This is so unfair. Downright wrong.

What will made us better than any parasite ever existed on the surface of earth? The helminths and protozoa parasite produces the same symptoms we caused her. They took their host nutrients, produce allergic reaction, GI symptoms (nausea and vomiting), urticaria, and most of the aforementioned. We even caused her edema like lymphatic filariasis. What made us different was, our presence was anticipated. She walks on her edematous leg carrying extra weight that gave her persistent backache. She couldn’t sit for long. She couldn’t lie on her back because it will make her difficult to breathe. Once she was having a fever or health complication, she couldn’t medicate her illness worrying what will the drugs effect on us. She sacrificed herself selflessly to ensure we will be born healthy. She protected us in her belly, close to her heart, keeping us safe and warm. For all we did were damaging to her, we gave her stretch marks and loose skin at a cost of having to endure us for another couple of decade. Absolute injustice. Giving birth to us, was the extreme crux of all pain.

Once we were on the outside. We demanded everything to fulfill our need. She had to endure years of sleepless night to keep us fed and safe. She never care of herself as much as before. The house chores just getting piled up and never did she neglect us. She pat our back gently to make us belch after satiated milk we suck out of her. Never did we knew that how painful it was to her. She sang us lullaby to sleep only to be woken up late at night by our cries of hunger, wet and soil. But never did she complained, she did sometime saying how tired she was but never did she regret giving birth to a parasite. Over the decade, she tried her best to give us everything we need. Everything at any cost she had to pay.

My beloved mother. Love her always & forever.

She gave us love (unconditionally), cooks us meal (that we sometimes refuse to eat), she thought us life’s basic skills (that we never thank her for), she gave us education (which we use against her conventional way of thinking, we even call her ancient), she attended to our every need (that we never pay her for). Sometimes we shouted at her saying that we hate her for not understanding our complicated endless needs. That will break her heart, but never once she hated us. Never once she disowned us. For all the painful growing up disaster we put her through to add to her miserable months of pregnancy. We never help her with the chores, we even add to it. But never did she loathed us, not a slightest idea.

When we were old enough to take care of ourselves, we make her our enemy. All her rules and advice will never see the light of the day. We keep asking her for more and more and in return we pay her nothing. When we were an adult, we leave home and she was left alone. Never did we care to call her, to ask her about herself. Had she been feeling well? Had she eaten? Maybe sometimes we did call to ask her to send us money. She scrapped every little bit of money left in her purse, denying her own needs for food and personal stuffs. She even put on shameless face to borrow from other. For all she knew, we should never be hungry on the outside world, living far from her. Because here, in this empty house, she used to took care of us. Because here, in her belly, she used to keep us safe.

She was looking on the empty space before her and had her own nostalgic past reminiscence. How she used to chase us around to put a cloth on our naked body. How she used to play with us and pick up the scattering toys. How happy she was to hear the first word we mutter. How flatter she felt when we took our first step. How she sang countless time to put us to sleep, for our birthdays, or to keep us calm. How hurtful it was to have a door slammed onto her face. How sad it was to see us leaving her through the front door. How fast the time fly and now she was alone again, here in the home we grow up. Feeling empty.

She look at herself in the mirror, she barely recognize the women staring back at her. All her beauty had been sacrificed for the time she spent with us. Wrinkles on her face was physical evidence of her suffering. But never did she complain, never did she hate, never did she regret. For all she knew, she will always love the parasite she use to carry in her belly. The one she gave birth to painfully. The one she help to grow. The one she missed everyday every now and then. The one she yearn to hear from even the simple “Hello! Mom,” that will help her sleep at night.

But being parasite, never did we care. We only need her for our survival. And now we old enough to take care of ourselves, we never had to hear from her anymore. All those outdated advices and nags.

But we can change this relationship. We can switch it from parasitism to symbiosis. All she wants from us were respect and love. For all the sacrifices, and painful life she bear through all this time, she only wants TWO in return. To call it symbiosis is non-deserving. But that was HER, that was the first woman we knew, the selfless, forgiving and full of love. Our host, our caregiver, our nurse, our singer, our adviser, our teacher, our all-in-one…our MOTHER…the one that never regret, never grudge, never complain…MOTHER, BELOVED MOTHER.